It is a glorious day for women and poker as the High Heels Poker Tour has been sponsored by PokerStars online casino. I say that in jest of course. Not that they haven’t been sponsored by the online casino giant, but I just finished reading their press release and it sure seems sexist to me. Don’t get me wrong, the fact that they were sponsored is not sexist. The press release itself is sexist.

“Founded in 2007, the HHPT was created to empower women who want to become champions in the growing world of poker.” Let’s examine that little gem from the High Heels Poker Tour press release. It essentially implies that women are empowered by giving them their own tournament, since apparently there is no way a woman can defeat a man in a game of strategy and luck. Sure, if this were a triathlon or a football or basketball league, it’s easy to see why women (forgive me) don’t stand a chance in hell against men. Women’s bodies at their peak of physical fitness are usually smaller and weaker than men in the same condition. That’s just the way humans are built. But when it comes to sitting at a table and holding cards, can’t women match men? Am I crazy or couldn’t a woman be equally as formidable an opponent as any other idiot guy in sunglasses and a hat? Or are they so overly emotional that they are incapable of holding a poker face and once they have a good hand call all of their friends to tell them about it and go shoe shopping to celebrate? That’s what the HHPT press release says to me.

“…the tour heads south to Florida for three outstanding events in Dania, Hollywood and Tampa, where the nation’s female champions of tomorrow will vie for not only a generous prize pool, but great friendships, camaraderie and competition at the tables.” Friendships and camaraderie? Is this a poker tour or The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants? If anybody out there can find me a press release for any casino, tour, online casino, anything to do with poker at all that emphasizes forming “friendships and camaraderie” I will eat a deck of cards. A whole deck. Why do they think women need to be with friends sipping herbal tea and confiding in each other about the secrets of their menstrual cycles? Maybe, just maybe they are there to win money and feel the excitement of winning a hand?

“PokerStars has all the attributes in an online partner that female players crave…in an environment where women can learn the game, develop their skills and truly become champions.” Women need a special environment to enjoy an online casino? Do they wager candles and Bath and Body Works gels that smell like sun-ripened raspberries? (BTW, does UIGEA prohibit against online gambling of shower gels? Just asking.) Women and men are different, but putting women in this box is demeaning and condescending.

Then there is the title of the tour: “High Heels” does not imply women empowerment. Do you know what it implies to me? Strippers. When I think of high heels, I don’t think of powerful intelligent women asserting themselves in a man’s world. I think of women swinging on a pole in high heels (preferably see-through) and nothing else. Maybe it’s because I’m just a classy guy and that’s how I’ve been brought up, but if a girl is wearing high heels, I’m not far behind with a handful of singles. Maybe I’m wrong and high heels are the calling card of many female CEOs and Olympic champions, but I’ve never seen them on a Wheaties box. Ultimately, this name is there not to appeal to women, but men. They hope that men will tune in or show up in hopes of finding strippers. Or at least finding hot women playing poker in a casino. I don’t know, perhaps that’s a fetish I haven’t heard about yet. While most professional women poker players are hot (which is no coincidence), they don’t play in bikinis or anything. They wear hats and sunglasses and t-shirts like the guys do. If they were going for accuracy, they might call it the “These Girls Dress Like Bums Poker Tour” or “This Is What They Look Like When They Wake Up In the Morning Poker Tour” or “Slightly Less Covered Up Than Muslim Women Poker Tour.” But somehow I don’t think that would be a huge draw.

Ladies, you have come a long way in society. So I write this for you, not because I am chiseled like a Greek God and can bench press a tank (Read: CALL ME), but because I respect your minds. Women should be treated as equals and they don’t need a special tour to become poker champions.

A recent poll conducted by the betting exchange found that there are two major factors weighing on the minds of internet gamblers, the US government’s freezing of assets back in May and the recession. The fact that the US government overstepped their authority, or what I like to call “doing what the government does best” by seizing funds to be paid out to winning players is a major concern among online players – at least those who know about it. The survey showed that 88% of the players were concerned about the security of their money and 76% moved to different sites as a result. However, only 42% of the players in the United States were aware of the freezing of assets from PokerStars, Full Tilt, Ultimate Bet and Absolute Poker.

 The poll also showed that 52% of the US players are spending less money in online casinos than the previous year due to the recession. So basically, online players are worried about the government stealing their money and about the government trashing our economy by spending too much of their money. Both problems seem to stem from the same principle: the government cannot be trusted with your money. The players’ worries about the government is the hurting online casino business, which should come as no surprise, because the current administration of bad for every other business as well, though it is good for the United Auto Workers union (UAW) and lawyers that love frivolous malpractice lawsuits. So if the online players want to make some real money they should probably join the UAW.