A recent study on US gambling habits claims to show that while visits to brick and mortar casinos are declining, there is an increase in online casino business. This is despite the belief that online gambling is illegal in America (wrong: it is only banned in 4 states) and the worry that the passage of the UIGEA in 2006 means the government can prosecute online gamblers and confiscate their winnings (it gives the authority for neither).

A survey by a media study group called Mintel International Group showed that 30% of Americans visited a land-based casino in 2009, which is down from 35% in 2001. Mintel also reports that 12% of Americans visited an online casino in 2009, which they say is an increase from an undisclosed amount. In truth, there is no way to accurately determine how many Americans gamble online, since so many think it is illegal or at least vague (to say that some states’ gambling laws are unclear on the subject is an understatement).

So what does this all mean? Perhaps nothing. You may recall that in 2009 the economy started getting pretty bad, with the bank bailouts and the housing bubble bursting and everything. Job losses, fear of job losses, depleted savings accounts and 401(k)’s led to a decrease in tourism everywhere, and that includes hotspots like Las Vegas.

Many in the online gambling community, including some of our competitors, have looked at this information and concluded that it means online casinos are taking business away from brick and mortar casinos. It means people have decided to gambling online instead of taking a trip to a casino. That’s possible, but it’s impossible to tell conclusively. Maybe if we were certain that the online gambling figure of 12% was a significant increase, that would mean something. However, with no previous number given, maybe the 12% figure is a decrease as well. Also, one year isn’t a big enough sample to conclude that former land-based gamblers are now playing online. In one year, any shift could be because of the economy. Even if more people are gambling online, it could be because it’s cheaper and if/when the economy improves they will go back to taking trips to Vegas and Atlantic City.

But for the sake of argument, let’s say that it’s true that people who once gambled in land-based casinos are now exclusively playing online. Why would that be? It’s probably because of price and convenience. Blockbuster is fighting tooth and nail to keep every possible customer right now amid their massive store closings, while people flock to Netflix and Pay-Per-View. Those services are cheaper and don’t require the customer to leave their house. Remember, Americans are lazy. Similarly, iTunes and internet piracy has led to closings of countless music stores. I even went into Best Buy recently with a list of about 20 CD’s I was looking for and couldn’t find one. They had nothing but bare shelves with one copy of a few current hit albums. It’s a sad day when a music store doesn’t fully stock CD’s anymore. They did, however, have lots of iTunes gift cards.

Whether the trend toward online gambling, if it’s a trend, continues or not, this study does tell us something: At least 12% of the country is gambling online at casinos that are operating in the jurisdiction of other countries. That is a lot of tax revenue that the government is losing. If there’s one thing our power-hungry government hates, it’s missing out on the ability to take someone’s money. Therefore, you can probably expect a federal regulation of online gambling in the near future.

Last Friday, Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm signed a new smoking ban into law that outlaws smoking in all bars and restaurants. The new law will take effect in May 2010. Similar smoking bans already exist in other states, such as Florida and California. Smokers have predictably called the legislation discrimination, saying that it tramples on their right to smoke wherever they please. Like is often the case, these people have no idea what is a “right” in our country and what is a privilege. I’ve read the US Constitution many times, including the Bill of Rights, and smoking is never mentioned. The anti-smoking crowd points out that they have a right to eat food without choking on someone else’s cigarette smoke, but they aren’t right either. The truth is, each establishment has the right to choose whether or not they want to allow smoking. A smart restaurant separates the smoking and non-smoking sections in such a way that smoke from the smoking section won’t bother people in the non-smoking section. If they do not, non-smokers have right to refuse to eat there. But I digress. For the record, I think smoking is a filthy habit and I can’t enjoy eating a meal when someone else’s smoke is in my face. Plus there is still that believe, though unproven, that second-hand smoke can cause cancer.

As is often the case, though, the new legislation does not affect everyone equally. Lobbyists are very good at getting new laws to work to their benefit. As a result, cigar bars and casinos are exempt from the smoking ban. As a result, some believe that casino business could increase. Smokers enjoy smoking as a social activity, and if they can’t do it at their local bar but can at a casino, why not go to the casino? And while you’re there, you can always try your hand at blackjack.

Some employees of casinos have complained about having to inhale smoke all night at work and are likely unhappy with the exemption, but there are now plenty of places where they can work in a smoke-free environment. Only time will tell if the ban significantly increases the business of the casinos, because it’s unlikely that smokers will go there instead of a restaurant to eat, but they could take away a lot of business from bars. Of course, while that’s good for the casinos, it’s not so good for the bars. We’ll keep you posted.

Of the people who like to gamble, it seems like they can be separated into three groups: those that prefer gambling in land-based casinos, those that prefer online gambling, and those that don’t really care how they gamble. I don’t know why I wrote it seems when there really aren’t any other possibilities. Anyway, I’m one of those who prefer to gamble online.

Why on earth would someone prefer to gamble online? Well, I’ll tell you. First of all, I don’t like wearing clothes all that much. I’m not saying I’m a nudist. I own lots of clothes and consider myself somewhat fashionable. But clothes, generally speaking, aren’t all that comfortable. I wear them when I go places because it’s expected and because if I don’t I’ll be arrested. Also, if you never wear clothes, you’re taking away the ability of others to mentally undress you, and I would never want to do that. However, in my own home, if I’m alone, I don’t really bother dressing. I walk around wearing boxer shorts at the most and if I want to do a little gambling, I sit down at the computer and get to it. If I sit at a poker table in Vegas wearing my underwear, I will be escorted off the premises in a not too polite way. There are limits to this freedom at home, of course. If you’re playing online blackjack at home and then your neighbor knocks on the door because he wants to borrow your lawnmower, you should put pants on before answering the door. To do otherwise would be creepy, even if you’re Matthew McConaughey. On the other hand, if you live in Florida and don’t have a lawnmower, you have some sort of mental deficiency and shouldn’t complain about your neighbors.

Another reason I prefer online gambling is the cocktail waitresses. Yes, seriously. And no, I’m not gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.* The reason is that they are distracting. They bring me free drinks, which, after I’ve had enough of them, puts me in a mood where I want to gamble more money, and therefore lose more money. I also end up going home with strange women who I would not be attracted to sober. In other words, alcohol leads to bad decisions. The cocktail waitresses are also a distraction by themselves. They’re usually dressed in skimpy, flashy outfits that show a lot of leg, which is very distracting for me, especially if it’s the Playboy Bunny style with the pantyhose and the satin and all. If they keep walking by while I’m supposed to make a decision about whether to fold or raise, I’m going to end up making stupid decisions. At home, I don’t have to worry about that. As the result of being a sarcastic, argumentative malcontent with ridiculously low take-home pay, I’m still single, so I have nothing distracting me from my wagers, except for phone calls from bill collectors and the occasional sound of gunshots. I know what you’re thinking. I don’t live in the ghetto, not that there’s anything wrong with that**, but I do live near a shooting range.

Those are both good reasons for gambling online, but I guess there is one other reason that trumps both. I don’t live close to any good casinos and I don’t get paid enough to travel. For vacation, I usually go camping, but not in nice state or national parks. I usually camp out behind a K-Mart or a shopping mall. It’s the way hobos*** do it for free every day, so I do it once a year for a vacation from the rest of the world just to relax and take a break. It also makes me appreciate the finer things in life that we take for granted, such as bathing, plumbing and not having hepatitis.****

I can see why some people prefer the glitz and glamor of the land-based casinos, but it’s just not for me. I’ll just sit at home playing online blackjack in my room. Now, where did I put my pants?

*Gambling Review does not discriminate against others based on race, religion, nationality or sexuality, though we do occasionally make fun of people for all four. It’s not because we’re hateful. It’s because we like mocking others. It’s fun.

** Gambling Review sympathizes with the plight of those living in the ghetto. We do not mean to belittle you in anyway. On the other hand, if you don’t like it you can always get a job.

*** I’ve been informed that they’re supposed to be called “homeless people” now. However, hobos don’t have access to the internet, so I guess I can call them whatever I want, can’t I?

**** Hepatitis is a serious disease and Gambling Review does not think it’s a joking matter. Well, actually we do, but only because we feel that everything is a joking matter. If you have hepatitis, we are deeply sorry.