Stupid TV Poker Network to Air in Canada
Posted on: September 18th, 2009 9:05 am | By: Jeremy Schrute
Who says there is no good television in Canada? It has been reported that HeadsUp Entertainment International will launch an internet television poker network this year on Canadian television. Yes, that’s right. There will be a channel dedicated to televising online poker tournaments, casino poker tournaments, and documentaries about – you guessed it – poker tournaments. In related news, Canadian citizens have identified a new channel that they will never watch. It will be kind of like MSNBC in America. The channel exists, though no one knows why.
My esteemed colleague Ricky Bauer has written extensively on the terribleness of poker on television and he’s right. Poker is an activity where the players, in order to be good, have to show a complete lack of emotion, so televising it would be like watching Keanu Reeves in The Day the Earth Stood Still. I’ll be honest here. I would rather watch a cooking show on Food Network than watch poker, because at least that way I can pick out a few recipes to try, ruin, and then complain that it looked so much better on TV. Also, after years of watching Dan Aykroyd on Saturday Night Live, I have been conditioned to expect at any moment for the host to slice his or her finger and start spraying blood everywhere. If poker carried the risk of injury, maybe it would be more interesting, but I think the biggest risk is getting a paper cut from the cards.
Someone disagrees with me, though. Kelly Kellner, president of HeadsUp, says that “players and fans will have a means to pursue their interest in the sport and we couldn’t be more excited.” Couldn’t be more excited? Quick, somebody introduce Kellner to exciting things! There are so many things you need to learn about, from sporting events to concerts to roller coasters to secret trysts in the Gambling Review break room during lunch break. Mr. Kellner, you need to get out of your office and experience life outside of poker!
Maybe the network will be a success, but I doubt it. I’m going to give Canadians the benefit of the doubt and believe that, despite their love of hockey, socialized medicine, and ice fishing, deep down the Canucks actually have good taste. After all, they did bring us Jim Carrey. Therefore, I’m predicting that soon I will be writing another article on the subject, which may be titled “Cadadian TV Poker Network Fails Miserably, as Expected.”
Tags: HeadsUp Enterntainment International, Jim Carrey, Keanu Reeves, Kelly Kellner, MSNBC, online poker, poker television, poker tournament, poker tv network, televised poker
September 18th, 2009 at 9:29 am
Hey lay off the cooking shows bitch! Food Network rules! I love me some Unwrapped and Driv-ins, Diners and Dives. BAM!
September 19th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Ummmm, I don’t think this “network” is anything but an online network. The chances such a channel would be approved by the CRTC is remote. It’s nothing but a supplement to their magazine and the handfull of tournaments they run that do get TV coverage on the various sports channels. BTW, we also gave you Keanu Reeves & Dan Aykroyd.
September 21st, 2009 at 7:05 am
You could be right, but all of the stories I saw on the wire about this said it was a television network. In any case, you’re right that I should have given Canada credit for Aykroyd. Keanu, however, I don’t think is anything to brag about.
September 21st, 2009 at 11:33 am
HEY!
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